Sunday, September 6, 2009

I didn't know..

Something happened today. An extraordinary example of life's unkindness. A friend is at the receiving end of life's wrath. And that reminded me of the time when I was in the same place. No details- that would make this post too unpleasant and too personal. I'd only reveal this much that I lost a close friend to death and a myriad other things happened to make me lose faith in happiness altogether. And today was like all that choking feeling coming back over me as I saw through a looking-glass. Here's something that I wrote in the wake of my memory of the past and my sensibility of the present.
I didn't know then, that people staring at me were simply trying to understand the fear my eyes betrayed.
I didn't know then, that wisdom was the opposite of love.
I didn't know then, that the last time with him was a test, and I was asking myself whether I had passed it or failed..
I didn't know then, that I would never know.
I didn't know then, that it was possible to love people for the reassuring incandescence of their smiles alone.
I didn't know then, that all my strength was going to be born in those moments.
I didn't know then, that the world would enfold my life within its nightmares- gently but completely.
I didn't know then, that to forget, all I had to do was close my eyes.
I didn't know then, that sorrow could be like a span of night sky.
I didn't know then, that it was impossible to shun someone you truly loved.
I didn't know then, that I was drowning in a sorrow that had no stars, no laughter and no sleep.
I didn't know then, that happiness comes back again, like persistent waves of a glittering sea.